{"id":4893,"date":"2025-12-07T14:25:47","date_gmt":"2025-12-07T14:25:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.soham.de\/jealousy-the-dangerous-passion\/"},"modified":"2026-05-01T18:06:51","modified_gmt":"2026-05-01T18:06:51","slug":"jealousy-the-dangerous-passion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.soham.de\/en\/jealousy-the-dangerous-passion\/","title":{"rendered":"Jealousy: The &#8220;dangerous passion&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"et_pb_section_0 et_pb_section et_section_regular et_block_section\"><div class=\"et_pb_row_0 et_pb_row et_block_row\"><div class=\"et_pb_column_0 et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et-last-child et_block_column et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough\"><div class=\"et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text et_pb_bg_layout_light et_pb_module et_block_module\"><div class=\"et_pb_text_inner\"><p class=\"p2\">This article is about a <em>dangerous passion<\/em>, namely the emotion that eagerly seeks what creates suffering: jealousy. Psychology describes it as a complex emotion that consists of fear of a - perceived or real - impending loss, insecurity and anger. <\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">However, it can also be seen as an evolutionary protective function for valuable relationships, which is there to guarantee the good and safe development of the next generation. Jealousy is also strongly influenced by the individual history of the person concerned. Social factors are also a significant cause for the emergence of this dangerous passion.  <\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">In this article, I summarize various aspects and possible factors that can lead to jealousy.<\/p>\n<h2><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/vg05.met.vgwort.de\/na\/dab3b7af6def48f4bbf48ee656a54176\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" alt=\"\"\"><b>Nature or culture: how does this dangerous passion arise?<\/b><\/h2>\n<p class=\"p2\">The debate about whether gender differences in jealousy are due to evolution or social constructs involves two main viewpoints:<\/p>\n<ul class=\"ul1\">\n<li class=\"li2\"><span class=\"s1\"><\/span>Evolutionary psychology assumes that jealousy has developed adaptively to enable the next generation to grow up in safety.<\/li>\n<li class=\"li2\"><span class=\"s1\"><\/span>In contrast, social construct theory argues that jealousy is shaped by cultural norms and historical contexts, meaning that the experience and expression of jealousy varies by society and time period.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2 class=\"p2\"><b>Evolutionary perspective<\/b><\/h2>\n<p class=\"p2\">Evolutionary psychology suggests that sexual infidelity poses a greater threat to men, as it could lead to a man unwittingly investing resources in offspring that are not his own. Emotional infidelity is seen as a greater threat to women as it could lead to a loss of commitment and resources from their partner. <\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">Some studies have shown that a greater proportion of men than women report more distress about sexual infidelity in hypothetical scenarios. Evolutionary psychologists also hypothesize that men and women use different strategies to protect their partners due to these evolutionary differences. <\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p2\"><b>Every person who lives is an evolutionary success story<\/b><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p2\">As the American developmental psychologist David Buss writes in his book \"<i>The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy Is as Necessary as Love and Sex\" <\/i>: \"As their descendants, we have inherited this [dangerous] passion that has led to success - a passion that often blindly drives us through a lifelong journey of fighting for survival, striving for position and searching for relationships.\"<\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">\"Non-jealous men and women are not our ancestors,\" Buss continues, \"we are all descended from a long line of ancestors who possessed this dangerous passion. According to this theory, jealousy is an adaptation. An adaptation, in the language of evolutionary psychology, is an evolved solution to a recurring problem of survival or reproduction.\"<\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">Jealousy is emotional wisdom that is not consciously articulated and has been passed down to us over millions of years by our successful ancestors. Jealousy represented a form of wisdom from our ancestors that can have both beneficial and destructive consequences. The vast majority of jealousy episodes are expressions of effective coping strategies used to deal with real threats to our relationships.  <\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p2\"><b>How did jealousy arise?<\/b><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p2\">David Buss provides a plausible explanation for the development of jealousy. He wonders whether a woman could only ever rely on one man. What if he left her to be with another woman? What if he fell ill or injured himself and could no longer hunt? And what would she do if her husband went on an extended hunt for three or five days, putting her at risk of being taken advantage of by other men? One solution to all these problems would be to take out <em>partner insurance<\/em> - namely to look for an <i>affair partner<\/i> as a substitute partner.     <b><\/b><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p2\"><b>The co-evolution of jealousy<\/b><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p2\">This adaptive tendency is followed by the adaptive reaction of the males, Buss explains further, i.e. the development of special forms of sperm developed for fighting - the fighting sperm, which are considerably larger than the others - and are intended to outwit the competitors.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">In addition, both men and women co-evolved increasingly fine-tuned antennae to detect threats to safety and avoid potential dangers - such as loss of resources and protection, and investing in the care of cuckoo children.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p2\"><b>The complexity of the threats<\/b><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p2\">The complexity of the emotional reactions summarized under the term <em>jealousy<\/em> reflects the complexity of the threats one has to deal with.<\/p>\n<ul class=\"ul1\">\n<li class=\"li2\">Damage to reputation is only the beginning of the problems that arise from a partner's infidelity.<\/li>\n<li class=\"li2\">Other problems include questioning their own attractiveness as a partner,<\/li>\n<li class=\"li2\">the loss of trust in your partner,<\/li>\n<li class=\"li2\">Risks to the well-being of children,<\/li>\n<li class=\"li2\">the loss of the partner's investment,<\/li>\n<li class=\"li2\">the possible disruption of family ties built up over the years and much more.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"p2\">Jealousy is such a complex emotion because the issues involved encompass so many different components.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">The most important conclusion is that jealousy is only a negative emotion insofar as it causes psychological pain. Men and women experience very different emotions when they are jealous: Pain, sorrow, self-reproach, oppression, fear, loss, sadness, apprehension, anger, restless agitation, humiliation, shame, arousal, sexual arousal toward their partner, fear, depression, and betrayal. <\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">However, jealousy is also an extremely useful coping tool if we understand that it is used to deal with real threats to relationships.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"p2\"><b><\/b><\/h2>\n<h2 class=\"p2\"><b>Psychological and neurobiological aspects of dangerous passion  <\/b><\/h2>\n<p class=\"p2\">Psychologists have identified various factors and aspects that can explain the development of jealousy. These include the following: <\/p>\n<ul class=\"ul1\">\n<li class=\"li2\">Insecurity and low self-esteem: A lack of self-esteem is a major trigger for jealousy. People with low self-esteem often feel they are not good enough and fear being replaceable, which increases fears of losing a relationship. <\/li>\n<li class=\"li2\">Fear of loss: The fear of losing a loved one or an important relationship is at the heart of jealousy. It can have its origins in previous experiences of neglect or betrayal. <\/li>\n<li class=\"li2\">Possessiveness: Jealousy is often linked to the desire to control or possess your partner, which stems from a fear of loss or loneliness.<\/li>\n<li class=\"li2\">Insecure attachment pattern: People with an insecure attachment pattern are more prone to jealousy. Their childhood experiences can lead to a deep-seated fear of abandonment. <\/li>\n<li class=\"li2\">Neurotransmitters: The formation of feelings of jealousy is linked to the release of neurotransmitters such as dopamine (reward) and serotonin (mood). An imbalance of these substances can play a role in pathological jealousy in particular. <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"p2\"><b><\/b><\/p>\n<h2 class=\"p2\"><b>Social constructivist perspective<\/b><\/h2>\n<p class=\"p2\">This view argues that the way jealousy is experienced and expressed is not universal, but is influenced by the norms and values of a society.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">Research has shown that the extent of gender differences in jealousy can vary across cultures, suggesting that culture plays a significant role in shaping these differences.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p2\"><b>Jealousy and patriarchy<\/b><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p2\">Jealousy and patriarchy are closely linked, as patriarchal structures often reinforce jealousy by pushing men towards possessiveness and control. While jealousy also reflects universal human needs for security and recognition, in patriarchy it is distorted by the idea of male dominance and female subordination and becomes a tool for exercising power. <\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p2\"><b>Jealousy in patriarchy vs. adaptive jealousy<\/b><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p2\">Patriarchal jealousy is often linked to the desire to protect <em>property<\/em> and manifests itself in aggressive controlling behavior and the devaluation of the partner. The aggressive behavior can escalate into violence and femicide. <\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">Adaptive jealousy, on the other hand, can arise from fear of loss or the feeling that affection and resources are being shared. This often inevitably leads to a perceived threat to one's own security within the relationship. The basic need for security is severely shaken by the - real or perceived - threat.  <\/p>\n<h2 class=\"p2\"><b><\/b><\/h2>\n<h2 class=\"p2\"><b>Conclusion<\/b><\/h2>\n<p class=\"p2\">In this brief summary, some of the factors and causes that can cause jealousy have been outlined.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">As is so often the case when trying to understand human experience and behavior, we are confronted with the fact that there is no clear answer.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">The question of whether jealousy is actually an adaptive trait that we humans have developed in order to pool the resources necessary to allow the next generation to grow up in safety, or the result of developmental trauma to the individual or the consequence of patriarchal structures, probably remains unanswered. What remains is that jealousy is a dangerous passion that - almost - every person has experienced at some point in their life and which deeply shakes their security and self-esteem. <\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">If you want to learn more about the adaptive origin of jealousy, I recommend the book by David Buss: \"<i>The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy Is as Necessary as Love and Sex\"<\/i><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><div class=\"et_pb_post_nav_0 et_pb_posts_nav nav-single et_pb_module et_block_module\"><span class=\"nav-previous\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.soham.de\/en\/sexual-intelligence\/\" rel=\"prev\" class=\"\"><span class=\"meta-nav\">&larr; <\/span><span class=\"nav-label\">Previous post<\/span><\/a><\/span><span class=\"nav-next\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.soham.de\/en\/are-women-more-sexually-aroused-than-men\/\" rel=\"next\" class=\"\"><span class=\"nav-label\">Next post<\/span><span class=\"meta-nav\"> &rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div><div class=\"et_pb_post_nav_1 et_pb_posts_nav nav-single et_pb_module et_block_module\"><span class=\"nav-previous\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.soham.de\/en\/sexual-intelligence\/\" rel=\"prev\" class=\"\"><span class=\"meta-nav\">&larr; <\/span><span class=\"nav-label\">Previous post<\/span><\/a><\/span><span class=\"nav-next\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.soham.de\/en\/are-women-more-sexually-aroused-than-men\/\" rel=\"next\" class=\"\"><span class=\"nav-label\">Next post<\/span><span class=\"meta-nav\"> &rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":4892,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4893","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-unkategorisiert"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Jealousy: The &quot;dangerous passion&quot; - Sexualberatung in Hamburg oder Online<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Jealousy, a dangerous passion: the feeling that eagerly seeks what creates suffering. 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